redecorate.

I want to carve away at the sculpture that is my mind,

And I want to sand the tree of my body;

I want leave and be forgotten,

I want to redecorate.

 

So i find water and plaster to sculpt late at night,

And i pick a new tree from the forest in the forgotten garden of my mind.

Running hands over wet clay,

Feeling the rough texture of wood in my palms,

I say to myself i won’t be the same

But hands fall into the usual routine,

Leaving the scars and bumps that have always been seen,

And the memories that are ingrained into my brain;

And i became the same person i’ve always been.

 

So i paint my body

With colours so bright the world would be jealous

Colours so bright that the sun tries to touch with it’s rays

The clay still looks the same except it doesn’t,

The scars and bumps still remain but they’re now shining in the sunrays.

The thing about paint is that it leaves room for mistakes.

 

Except i can’t paint my mind with colours as bright,

And as much as i’d like to, memories can’t be forgotten,

And i’m running out of paint;

Too busy concentrating on the parts that are in sight,

I’m left with only black and blue

And what’s the point of painting if it’ll just look the same as it used to?

 

The mold might leak through the cracks one day

But i painted so thick that it should stay,

But if it doesn’t,

I hope i have a new coat to keep me warm through the winter.

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you don’t, nor will you ever, own me.

I am not a giselle you can chase until I tire,

When knees weak and breath deepened,

I am not the umbrella that shields you from the storm,

I am not a piece of meat for you to play with,

With sharp claws and pointed teeth

To devour when the novelty wears off,

I am not something you can own.

I am not yours.

So when you say you’ll have to “wear me down”,

As if sandpaper to wood,

Scratching away at anything rough,

Molding me into your perfect piece;

Please forgive me if I just see what I was so afraid of,

Even after you tried so hard to convince me otherwise;

I now see the shard that’s stuck at the back of your eye,

Refracting the selfishness that sits inside.

 

Those same eyes that looked and caressed my body,

Are connected to the same brain who thought you could own me.

You thought wrong.

upside down.

Her hair flowed like water in the wind,

Her eyes gazed as if she’d never seen before,

Their laughter rose above the rows of corn;

Staining the air with memories.

 

He looked at her as if she held the whole world in her hands,

While she looked at him as if he stopped the world from crumbling.

Together they travelled

Through endless planets and stars.

 

But she knew more than he

That the world that rested her palms

Couldn’t stay there forever.

 

She knew she couldn’t hold onto her planet for any longer;

Her arms were starting to ache,

And her head hurting.

 

She knew when she was alone;

Her thoughts swam with sharks

And more often than not ended in wounds.

 

She looked up at the sky,

It looked funny upside down;

She laughed.

But he was too busy caressing her body to notice.

dear somebody.

Dear nobody,

Your face still hurts,

What you took from me is still missing,

But i can’t change that.

I’m filled with regret for everything,

And i know that you are too.

 

Dear nobody,

We’re falling apart,

We write our hearts out to each other,

Our hands fall onto the keyboard

Coughing up our problems

We’re too afraid to speak out loud.

 

Dear nobody,

Although not often we speak,

I value your words when we do.

I miss the times we used to speak so often it hurt,

But times change and people move on.

 

Dear nobody,

I love you,

But i can’t love you when you’re constantly worried.

Worried about where i am

And who i’m with,

I’m almost an adult now,

Don’t worry.

 

Dear nobody,

I love you too,

But sometimes i don’t.

Your words hurt,

They scar and indent themselves into my brain

And once they’re there they won’t leave,

They never do.

 

Dear nobody,

I’m starting to fall for you,

But i’m worried that it’s not you i’m falling for;

That it’s love,

And being loved.
Dear somebody.

looking.

When she looks at him she doesn’t know what to feel.

She looks at him and sees a future;

A future where they laugh and dance,

A future where they sit beneath the stars and talk about their mutual hatred for odd numbers,

A future where she doesn’t feel like she needs to pierce her skin to let the demons out because the demons have packed their bags and left on their own.

But she also sees just another boy;

Just another boy who whispers sweet nothings into her ear which she thought were sweet somethings,

Just another boy who’ll throw her back to the hounds after he’s done petting her because she doesn’t want to play by his rules,

Just another boy who will pick her up and then after realising his mistake, will drop her thousands of feet smashing on the hard concrete pavement.

When she looks at him she doesn’t know what to do.

who are you?

I don’t know who you are,

You look like you’ve got a shop full of masks

Neatly arranged inside your head,

So you can easily pick out the right one.

You look like you’re wrapped in layers and layers of different fabric;

Each hand crafted to suit someone else.

I want to know the real you;

I don’t want you to feel like you have to put on a mask for me,

I don’t want you to feel like you have to wrap yourself in layers and layers of fabric;

As if hiding from me.

But how can i complain,

When i’m doing exactly the same?

 

I’m almost suffocating,

And I can’t breathe,

But i can’t stop.

who am i?

I don’t know who i am anymore,

I feel like i’ve got a shop full of masks

Neatly arranged inside my head,

So i can easily pick out the right one.

I feel like i’m wrapped in layers and layers of different fabric;

Each hand crafted to suit someone else.

But i’m almost suffocating,

I can’t breathe.

And i’m scared that when fabric is unravelled,

There’s nothing left but dust.