expectations.

I expected harsh lips,

And hands that created fists

Marks of proof,

Indents on the skin.

 

I expected dimly lit alleyways

At 3 am,

In a hoody,

Too dark to distinguish.

 

I expected your hands to be rough,

And your heart laced with ice,

Unwelcoming and metallic;

Rusting around the edges.

 

But you were none of that.

 

We sat outside,

Looking at the stars

Wondering who could be staring back.

You lips grazed mine

But my eyes stayed glued to the sky.

 

I invited you into my room;

Into my thoughts,

Into my life

But an invitation to my home

Doesn’t equate to an invitation into my body.

 

Your hands were not rough.

Nor was your heart cold;

In fact, it danced with the stars

And roared with the lightening outside.

 

And so,

What i thought of you,

What i expected of you,

Was to understand;

Or grasp the wild concept of just sleeping,

Or maybe even dance on the shore.

But i didn’t want to swim,

For the water was cold and choppy

And the sun wasn’t shining,

And dipping heads below the surface

Sometimes makes it hard to breathe.

lust.

Lust is a women dressed in red

Lust is a bed with no more than sheets

Lust is the notion that love is not real

Or it is

But it does not last

And we’ve both had our fair share of shattered glass

While picking up the pieces we confuse glass with chocolate

And we’re soon surrounded by pools of crimson

We start to bandage over old wounds

And we see people walking around with not even a single bruise

We wonder how it is possible

Then we realise; feelings are left on the shore while bodies ride the waves

 

Lust is not love,

But it does not end in the carving of caves in our hearts

As love so often used to.

dreaming.

My eyes are blinded by the future

But i’m always two steps behind

So eyes will stay glazed until i’m six feet deep;

When i have soil for eyes

And worms for a brain.

I need fog lights;

To shine onto the road ahead

But it’s not time for a spring clean

When it’s winter and the mist is still thick.

So for now,

I live in this dream

Until the thought of winter can ride by

And it becomes spring once more,

Or until soil and worms join my side

Painting a picture of spring before my eyes.

Beige.

I see love in fingertips touching,

Making sure to remember every inch of your body.

I see it in eyes meeting after what seems like hours of laughter

While snow falls outside and the fire roars,

I see it in creating priorities,

Lifting above everything you thought imaginable.

 

But ultimately,

Fingertips that were once discovering new land

Have seen all there is to see,

They long to explore fresh grass

Rather than to sit in this bland desert filled with cold hearts.

Jokes that once ended in hours of laughter

Now fail to even crack a smile

And eyes stay glued to the floor.

And if they do meet they echo the roaring fire;

Rather than the snow as before.

And priorities have become a less frequent occurrence,

As you have become bland and ordinary.

 

Hold onto hands,

Lock your eyes,

Treasure time spent together.

 

Love is temporary;

And memories will last forever

But when your heart is fading into a pale beige

And your attempts to hold on are failing;

Know when to let go.

 

But don’t get pushed away;

Walk away with purpose,

With pride and love for what once was,

And no regrets of the past.

 

Keep eyes up

Mouth spread wide

And look onwards to see what the future hides.

 

I hope it’s a purple or a bright green;

Any shade far enough from this dullness and bland

So I can hide behind this smokescreen for a little while longer

Before i end up on this same shore of sand and sea painted beige.

sickly sweet.

Body

Mind

Intertwined

We left our hearts at the door

Leaving only the beat to enter

Not wanting anymore than what’s led out for us in the sheets

 

Fingers

Touching

Pulsing

As we grasp onto this night of heat

While the sickly sweet taste of naivety tarrs our lungs

Coating the vile taste of reality

 

Hearts held apart at arms length

But mouths are discovering new lands

And they’re liking the taste of the freshly cut grass.

 

 

what to live for (?)

I want to tell you to live for the sky when it’s painted salmon and lilac.

I want to tell you to live for the smell of toast and freshly ground coffee in the morning.

I want to tell you to live for waking up with the sun in your eyes and forgetting where you are.

And i want to believe it,

I really want to,

But i can’t convince you when i’m trying to myself.

I question why we need a reason at all;

Why can’t we just live to be?

But even i don’t believe that

And i don’t think you do either,

As much as i’d love to,

As much as i’d love to be content as who i am,

And who this world is,

I’m not.

As humans we should want to survive,

Right? Isn’t that how it works?

So why is it that me and you, and so many others want so badly the opposite?

Okay, maybe not so much the opposite but a reason;

A reasonable reason,

And if the only viable suggestion that we can think of is living for another;

Loving another,

Although ideal;

I don’t want my only justification of being alive to be dependent on love and being loved.

Because everything is god damn temporary,

And no one’s going to be there forever.

So what happens when they leave?