Category: surviving

open your eyes.

Open your eyes

He said,

As if he knew what he was doing was wrong,

But if she just opened her eyes it would make it moral,

It would make him feel better,

It would make it “right”.

She told herself she was strong,

Like a rock.

But she was a pebble at a beach,

Free for anyone to throw into the sea.

 

Open your eyes

He said,

But her eyes had been laced with glue,

Her body too.

But he made her malleable,

As if the glue was just the air;

Free to inhale,

Picking and placing her hands where he pleased.

She told herself she was strong,

Like a tree.

But she had been carved into a puppet,

And he had become the puppeteer.

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the sea inside.

Eyes open,

Mind closed.

Encased in water

She slides down the side of the tub;

Submerging her body.

The tap drips,

Piercing the water;

Tidal waves form in her brain,

Disrupting thoughts,

Distorting memories.

The sound of outside is muffled;

Not silent,

But she prefers it.

She lifts her head,

Takes a breath,

The sea inside her silences,

The world pierces.

 

She retreats;

Body submerged.

Mind open,

Eyes closed.

nihilism, you drown my body and soul.

I can play along,

I can open my eyes each morning to a new day but an old routine,

One adopted when my mouth first took a breath of fresh air,

And was forced down my throat until i swallowed.

I can close my eyes and pretend i don’t prefer the reality that’s rested in the sheets of my

bed and the feathers of my pillows,

I can love who you tell me to,

I can cry when you want me to;

I can play along with your lie

Until the last piece of oxygen has left my lungs,

And my heart has taken it’s final beat,

Leaving the blood cold in my not long warm body.

 

I can play along,

But i don’t want to;

I don’t want to move my counter around the board and wait for the inevitable.

pinpricked sky.

My ears are ringing,
And my heart singing
With tunes of regret and sadness.
I do not see the light
When I look through the tunnel;
I see the dark.
The dark that creeps over my skin
That crawls and bites
As if a spider through the night.
I do not see the sun
When it shines,
But the moon when it glows
In the pin pricked sky
And grass so below.
I see the river flow
And the birds sing
While I walk along the path
I do not hear the children’s laughter,
But the tattooed tarmac
Of forgotten gum
And old sums
Of math and science matter.

I do not see happy
I never do
I see dark when there’s light.
I see the moon when the sun glares.  
I see the floor when laughters in the air.
I see life;
And I do not hide behind the veil that covers.

breath.

i need space.

i need space to let my thoughts swim,

so i don’t feel so trapped in the embrace of life.

 

because it holds tight,

it’s almost suffocating.

and it illuminates;

that blinding bright light.

 

so i close my eyes.

 

i close my eyes to the bright light.

i close my eyes to life.

but even through my eyelids,

it pierces through.

tearing my space apart.

 

and without space i have no room to breath.

although sometimes i don’t want to,

i need to breath.